Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
