Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
