Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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