ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Even my vagina gasped.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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