I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
