There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
