you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
