she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
