I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
