There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize