how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
