His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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