Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
