I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When did angry sex become our thing?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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