does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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