He kissed a someone with a penis
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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