I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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