Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize