3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
