All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
