So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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