i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How external is "for external use only"?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
