Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
