Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
