Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Mom said you looked used
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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