I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
