Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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