I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
