sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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