So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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