Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
