I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
