I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
