when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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