I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
