You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
