I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
