the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
