please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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