my phone needs a breathalizer
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
