I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
