we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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