Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
