My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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