Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
