did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I touched a dick in church today
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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