Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
