the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
