it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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