got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
