She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
