I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
