watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
