apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
