she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
