Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
