Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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