I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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