i just sent this text using only my big toe
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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