It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
