and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize