loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We left the knife in your bed.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
