VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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