Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
